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So is pain the only way to grow? I guess by contrast, if I let my reflections evaporate into misty uneasy feelings of wishing vaguely for feeling better - probably the pain that comes next is to try and shove me back to reflectiveness (* !*) But given that that energy is coming from an out of balance place, it shoves rather than invites.....

Now - given that it's later in the day - I feel more calm and also able to get to more of that reflectiveness - as probably evident in the tone of this note. Today was difficult earlier though and I want to address that a bit further.

To me, it comes back to the boundaries of the Pushiness Issue/Element. In that vague (at that time) pain, my depressiveness was kept at bay by my 'stiff upper lip' British upbringing which requires that I not break down into self pity... The problem with that paradigm, however, is that the Self Pity flowers even more, I think, with being suppressed.

Interesting here: me the psychotherapist in public therapy with myself ::>)

But I have a sense that that's what one layer of what these blogs provides - a chance to dialogue with self in ways that inherently allow for being at least partly outside the box - precisely because I know (as deeply as I let myself feel it...) that _any_ person on the planet can listen in - including all the many different types and orientations of people whose judgement I could deeply fear the most. So to go ahead and actually blog it to the web is also to give myself a chance to accept all these apparent failings.

MMMMMmmmm, think I'll recommend this to clients as a great form of self therapy. And it's free!

Hasta la vista.